On Setbacks

I sometimes feel as though every time I start to gain some momentum, something goes wrong. I had gone to one ballet class and planned to go regularly. I was thinking about going to a yoga class again. I had started to plan for the future. And then I woke up with a fever on the day I would have gone to my second ballet class.

I was worried. Was I getting sick? Was the fever low enough that I could wait until Monday to deal with it? I waited a little while and was able to eat something. The fever went down and continued to go down throughout the day. And then on Monday some of my colitis symptoms started coming back.

I wasn’t sure if it was just a bug or the beginning of a flare. If it was a flare, it fortunately was a very mild one. On Wednesday I decided to call my doctor. I had just finished tapering off the prednisone and they put me back on it. I didn’t want to go back on, but I did. They also told me to start getting my Entyvio infusions every six weeks instead of eight weeks.

It’s hard not to let your thoughts spiral out of control when something like this happens, and to feel like you can’t start to make plans again without everything falling through. But this is really a step in the right direction. If it was a flare (and I’ve felt much better since then so I’m not really sure it was), it was mild and I caught it early. If it means I need infusions closer together, that’s not that big a deal. I will be able to go off the prednisone again soon. I’ve gone to two ballet classes since then. And I’ve started to plan for the future.